Governmental New Year Resolutions.

 House Bill HR 283 was presented today, the Bill is reported to be full of ‘hateful hate speech that is really mean, and not nice,’ says an unknown democrat in a pink suit. It was said to be forced New Years Resolutions for the Democrats, but many republicans were worried that it would affect them as well.

Some of the major parts of the bill were as follows:

“Whereas this House is full of senile delinquents, and

Whereas this House is found to be mentally ill in its entirety, and

Whereas severe change is needed.

We stand resolved to be better.

We stand resolved to fulfill our sworn duty to at least some of our ability.

We stand resolved to spend less on morning coffee and brunch before sessions.

We stand resolved to use what cognitive abilities we have left.

We stand resolved to only sometimes take bribes.

We stand resolved to always promote justice, most of the time.”

There are mixed reviews floating around about the bill, many extremist say it doesn’t go far enough, while others say it’s a lot of rules to follow. One Democratic representative stated “I didn’t sign up for this kinda thing, I mean how am I gonna pay for everything if I can’t take bribes, I can’t be this uptight and picky. Nobody asked me to do this kinda stuff when I was liven on the streets.”

Harris claims she follow the new rules, and never lie or take a bribe, she went on to say that she’d never lied or taken any money before.


And that’s fake news, so it’s more trustworthy than CNN, brought to you by 

The Daily Jester.

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